remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
