My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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