Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she smelled like a LAN party
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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