We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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