So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
