You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
