shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
