I murdered the dance floor call the cops
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
