The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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