I wish I could punch you in the face.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
