when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
