i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Let's get the cat blown out
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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