He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
