did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
