on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
