I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
