i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
