Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I can text with my tongue
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
