I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
