You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
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