I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
