Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
