Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
