I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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