I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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