dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
