M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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