wanna go halves on a baby?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
