My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
