would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
