She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm like, not good at living.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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