i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
