your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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