we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
