the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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