areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
