did you get engaged???
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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