it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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