butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
