i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
