Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
