I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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