I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
