I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
