I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
