I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
