I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
