Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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