you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
