I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
